Tell me it's possible

It's painful to say goodbye to someone you don't want to let go but it's more painful to ask someone to stay when you know they want to leave. What's worse is, to still hold on hoping they would come back even though you know they wont 

I am really thankful for what I have, I know I couldn't ask for more right. But how long should I wait or how long can I wait? Yet at the end of the day it's back to me and my little emotions my little thoughts that I ended up crying for holding on to someone that doesn't feel the same way anymore. "You have to move on, you have to forget you'll meet someone better" I'm sick of it. You don't tell me what to do if you don't understand what I'm going through. Even if you understand it's me that's holding on to the pain not you so don't say it so easily like as if you can do i too. I don't know how long can i ever stand this feeling. I don't know how long I want to keep holding on hoping. Everyday asking the same question to myself yet no answers to be found.i don't want to go around asking you for answers and Infact I will never ask. Cause i believe you know how to handle this situation. Sometimes I wonder what you truly feel about this, about me. About us. cause honestly I can't differentiate. I can no longer predict what's next cause this feeling I've been carrying for months is the feeling which I've never felt before in my whole 19th years of my life even after going through some relationshit. I've know what I want and it's too late Oh Allah im not lost on finding what I want anymore but I'm lost on what to do next. I'm dying in and out so badly each day trying to keep myself alive with my surroundings yet it still kills me bit by bit. I'm devastated.I'm mentally tired of myself being this way. I'm so angry. Disappointed. But I can't control this emotions. I just don't want to give up.Been months I've tried so hard , fight so hard that I still don't know will I lose or will I gain anything. it's annoying how my heart wants to take the risk so much knowing it's gonna hurt much more. Idk if hoping is worth my time or just gonna be another past.Cause there's no answers or I guess mine just wasn't accepted indirectly that I just have to open up my eyes and mind to notice myself. What do I have to do to make you love me? Now what do I do when it's all over.😔 trying to act up like as I'm cool about 'just go with the flow' thingy is just harder than I thought it would be.Can you feel my heart.